by Meg S | Mar 18, 2026
Every relationship hits friction. A roommate who leaves dishes in the sink, a partner who handles money differently, a friend who cancels plans last minute. Conflict is baked into human connection. What separates relationships that thrive from those that unravel often isn’t whether conflict happens, but how people navigate it. That’s where understanding conflict styles comes in.
What Are Conflict Styles?
Conflict styles are the habitual patterns we fall into when disagreements arise. Think of them as your default operating mode under pressure. Some people charge forward, eager to hash things out immediately. Others retreat, hoping the issue will resolve itself. Neither approach is inherently wrong, but problems emerge when your style clashes with someone else’s, or when you apply the same approach to every situation regardless of context.
The most widely used framework for understanding conflict personality types comes from the Thomas-Kilmann model, which maps styles along two axes: assertiveness (how much you prioritize your own needs) and cooperativeness (how much you prioritize the other person’s needs). This creates five distinct styles.
The Five Conflict Styles
Competing
High assertiveness, low cooperativeness.
- Competitors treat conflict as a zero-sum game. They advocate strongly for their position, sometimes at the expense of the relationship. This style can be effective in emergencies or when you need to stand firm on a non-negotiable value, but overuse can leave others feeling steamrolled.
Avoiding
Low assertiveness, low cooperativeness.
- Avoiders sidestep conflict altogether. They change the subject, leave the room, or let issues simmer indefinitely. Sometimes avoidance is strategic, since not every hill is worth dying on. But chronic avoidance lets resentment build and prevents real resolution.
Accommodating
Low assertiveness, high cooperativeness.
- Accommodators prioritize harmony and the other person’s happiness, often at the cost of their own needs. They’re skilled at de-escalation, but consistent self-sacrifice can breed resentment and erode self-respect.
Compromising
Moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperativeness.
- Compromisers look for the middle ground where everyone gives a little. It’s practical and efficient, making it useful for low-stakes decisions. The downside? Both parties may walk away only partially satisfied, and underlying issues can go unaddressed.
Collaborating
High assertiveness, high cooperativeness.
- Collaborators dig into the conflict, seeking a solution that fully addresses both parties’ concerns. This style requires time, trust, and genuine curiosity. When it works, it strengthens relationships. When it’s forced on minor issues, it can feel exhausting.
Why Your Default Style Matters
Most of us have one or two styles we lean on instinctively. These defaults form early, shaped by family dynamics, culture, and past experiences. Maybe you learned to avoid conflict in a volatile household, or you developed a competitive edge in environments where speaking up was the only way to be heard.
The problem is that a default is just a habit, not a strategy. Relationship communication improves when you can choose your approach based on the situation rather than running the same play every time. Flexibility is the goal.
How to Identify Your Conflict Style
Pay attention to your instincts the next time tension arises:
- Do you lean in or pull back? Moving toward conflict suggests competing or collaborating tendencies. Moving away points to avoiding or accommodating.
- What’s your primary concern? Prioritizing your own needs suggests competing. Prioritizing the relationship suggests accommodating.
- How do you feel afterward? Resentment often signals accommodation or avoidance. Satisfaction with partial solutions points to compromising.
You can also ask trusted people how they experience conflict with you. Their perspective often reveals blind spots.
Practical Tips for Resolving Relationship Conflict
1. Name what’s happening.
- When you notice a style clash, call it out gently. “I think I’m trying to avoid this conversation, and you want to work through it right now. Can we find a middle ground?” This shifts the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative.
2. Match the style to the stakes.
- Save collaboration for issues that genuinely matter: values, recurring patterns, decisions with long-term impact. Let minor irritations go or settle them with a quick compromise.
3. Separate the person from the problem.
- Focus on the specific issue and the behavior, not sweeping judgments like “You always shut down” or “You have to win everything.”
4. Get curious about the other person’s style.
- Ask questions instead of making assumptions. “What would help you feel heard right now?” signals respect for their process.
5. Practice the style you underuse.
- If you always compete, experiment with genuine accommodation. If you always avoid, try staying in the conversation five minutes longer than feels comfortable.
The Bigger Picture
Understanding conflict personality types isn’t about labeling yourself or others. It’s about expanding your repertoire. The best communicators can compete when necessary, collaborate when it matters, accommodate gracefully, compromise efficiently, and walk away from fights that aren’t worth having.
Conflict doesn’t have to damage relationships. Handled well, it builds trust, deepens understanding, and clears the air for genuine connection. The first step is knowing your patterns. The next is choosing, intentionally, how you want to show up.
Interested in learning more? Check out our conflict resolution training options.
by Meg S | Jan 29, 2026
When conflicts arise, whether in business, family matters, or community disputes, many people assume their only option is to head straight to court. But there’s another path that’s often more effective, less expensive, and far less stressful: mediation. If you’ve ever wondered “what is mediation?” or how this process could help resolve your dispute, you’re in the right place.
Understanding Mediation: The Basics
Mediation is a voluntary, confidential process where a neutral third party helps people in conflict find their own solutions. Unlike a judge who makes decisions for you, a mediator facilitates conversation and guides disputing parties toward mutually acceptable agreements.
Think of mediation as having a skilled conversation partner who helps you and the other party communicate more effectively, explore options you might not have considered, and work toward solutions that actually work for everyone involved. It’s not about winning or losing but about finding a path forward that everyone can accept.
How Does Mediation Work?
The mediation process typically follows these key steps. First, each party shares their perspective on the situation without interruption. This isn’t about proving who’s right or wrong but about understanding each person’s concerns and interests.
Next, the mediator helps identify the core issues that need to be addressed, often revealing that the real problems differ from what people initially thought they were fighting about. Together, all parties then brainstorm potential solutions. This collaborative approach often leads to creative outcomes that no one person could have developed alone. Finally, with the mediator’s guidance, parties work toward agreements that address everyone’s most important needs and interests.
What Makes Mediation Different from Court?
Unlike litigation, mediation puts control back in your hands. You maintain decision-making power because no judge imposes a solution. Instead, you create agreements that work for your specific situation. Everything discussed in mediation stays confidential, and the collaborative nature often helps people move forward with better communication rather than damaged relationships.
Most mediations resolve in hours or days, not months or years, and typically cost a fraction of what you’d spend on litigation. Perhaps most importantly, you walk away with solutions you helped create rather than decisions imposed by someone who doesn’t fully understand your unique circumstances.
The Role of the Neutral Third Party
A skilled mediator serves as more than just a referee. They create a safe space for honest dialogue and help parties communicate more effectively. They ask questions that reveal underlying interests and needs, guide the conversation toward productive problem-solving, and ensure everyone has a voice in the process.
The mediator doesn’t take sides, give legal advice, or make decisions for you. Instead, they facilitate a process that empowers you to resolve your own dispute. Think of them as a guide who helps you navigate the conversation and explore possibilities you might not have considered on your own.
When Can Mediation Help?
Mediation works effectively for virtually any conflict where people need to find a way forward together. The process shines particularly bright in situations where relationships matter and creative solutions can benefit everyone involved.
Family and Personal Disputes:
- Family conflicts often involve deep emotions and ongoing relationships that make mediation especially valuable. Divorce proceedings, child custody arrangements, and visitation schedules can be worked out with less trauma and more focus on what’s best for everyone, especially children. Inheritance disputes, elder care decisions, and disagreements between siblings or other family members can be resolved while preserving family bonds that court battles might destroy permanently.
Housing and Property Matters:
- Housing conflicts create unique challenges because people often must continue living or working in close proximity. Landlord-tenant disputes over security deposits, lease violations, or property maintenance can be resolved without the time and expense of eviction proceedings. Neighbor conflicts over property boundaries, noise issues, or shared driveways benefit from mediation’s focus on finding practical solutions that help people coexist peacefully.
- Many everyday disputes that might otherwise end up in small claims court can be resolved more satisfactorily through mediation. Consumer complaints about defective products, service disputes with contractors, and warranty claims often achieve better outcomes when both parties work together to find solutions. These situations frequently involve miscommunication or unmet expectations that mediation can address more effectively than a judge’s ruling.
- Workplace disputes often benefit from mediation because employees and employers typically need to maintain working relationships. Discrimination claims, harassment complaints, and wrongful termination disputes can sometimes be resolved in ways that address underlying workplace issues while meeting everyone’s needs. Even when employment relationships can’t be salvaged, mediation often provides more satisfactory outcomes than formal legal proceedings.
Community and Neighborhood Disputes:
- Community conflicts require special attention to ongoing relationships and shared interests. Homeowners’ association disputes, disagreements over community resources, and conflicts between neighbors can be resolved through mediation with solutions that consider everyone’s needs to live peacefully in the same area. These disputes often involve people who will interact regularly, making mediation’s relationship-preserving approach particularly valuable.
The key requirement across all these situations and other areas of conflict is that all parties must be willing to participate voluntarily and engage in good faith. When people come to the table ready to listen, share their perspectives, and work toward solutions, mediation can be remarkably effective at transforming conflict into cooperation.
Why Choose Mediation?
Beyond the practical benefits of speed and cost savings, mediation offers something unique: the opportunity to be heard and to participate actively in solving your own problems. In court, you present your case and wait for someone else to decide your future. In mediation, you’re an active participant in crafting solutions that reflect your real needs and priorities.
Many people find mediation empowering because it recognizes that those closest to a conflict often understand it best and are in the best position to create workable solutions. When you help design the agreement, you’re more likely to follow through on it because it addresses what matters most to you.
Getting Started with Mediation
If you’re facing a conflict and wondering whether mediation might help, consider these questions:
- Are all parties willing to participate voluntarily?
- Is preserving relationships important to you?
- Do you want more control over the outcome than court would provide?
- Are you looking for a confidential way to resolve issues?
- Would you benefit from a faster, less expensive process?
- Do you prefer working together toward solutions rather than fighting it out?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, mediation could be an excellent option for your situation. To inquire further or schedule a mediation, click here.
Moving Forward
Mediation represents a different way of thinking about conflict. Rather than viewing disputes as battles to be won, mediation treats them as problems to be solved together. This approach recognizes that sustainable solutions come from understanding each other’s needs and working collaboratively toward agreements that everyone can live with.
When disputes arise in your life, remember that going to court isn’t your only option. Mediation offers a path that honors everyone’s voice, protects important relationships, and empowers you to create solutions that truly work for your unique situation. It’s about finding a way forward that allows everyone to maintain their dignity while addressing the real issues at hand.
Whether you’re dealing with a business disagreement, family conflict, or community dispute, mediation provides the tools and framework for moving from conflict to resolution with your relationships, resources, and peace of mind intact. Sometimes the best solutions are the ones we create together!
by Meg S | Sep 24, 2025
The Legacy of Peer Mediation
When KCDRC peer mediation programs came to an end, it marked not only the close of a chapter, but also the beginning of a new vision. For years, peer mediation gave youth the opportunity to practice leadership by resolving disputes, listening deeply, and building trust with their peers. Those experiences planted the idea that young people are not only capable of addressing conflict, but also uniquely positioned to lead their communities through change.
A Spark Sharpened by Global Conflict
The spark for KC CONNECT was already present, rooted in years of youth development and community dialogue. But earlier this year, as stories of conflict unfolded across the world, especially images of families being torn apart in Los Angeles during ICE raids, that spark was sharpened into a clear vision. These moments highlighted the urgency of preparing youth and families not only to manage everyday disputes, but also to process systemic injustice, heal together, and step into leadership. Out of this conviction the design for KC CONNECT grew.
Building on Strong Foundations
KC CONNECT builds on the legacy of peer mediation and the lessons from the Bridge pilot program in 2024. From those foundations came two important realizations: that conflict resolution belongs in the hands of everyone, not just trained mediators, and that healing-centered dialogue has the power to strengthen entire communities. Rather than limiting skills to a select group of student mediators, KC CONNECT opens access to youth and families across King County.
How to Participate
KC CONNECT offers two ways to participate. Schools, youth-serving nonprofits, and community groups can bring workshops directly into classrooms, after-school programs, youth groups, or family engagement settings, tailored in partnership with staff. For individuals, KCDRC also hosts free monthly online workshops open to all youth and families in King County. These sessions cover three tracks: Foundations of Conflict (roots, communication, emotion, and identity), Skill-Building (restorative practices, family circles, and digital conflict), and Critical Awareness & Cultural Power (conflict as change, youth circles, reclaiming power). Together, these options make KC CONNECT both accessible and responsive to community needs.
Centering Inclusivity and Equity
As Sharon explains, the power of KC CONNECT lies in its inclusivity. Each participant leaves the workshop with practical tools for communication and problem-solving, but also with the experience of being heard and valued. “Everyone should have access to these skills,” she reflects. “Each person who takes part learns new ways to relate that help them solve their own problems, work with others, and join together as a community.”
A Vision for Youth Leadership
Fergie’s vision extends beyond workshops into a future leadership module. She has a passion for seeing young people step into civic spaces where their voices can influence change. Her hope is that KC CONNECT will inspire youth, especially those from communities historically excluded from decision-making, to apply for county and statewide advisory boards and to see themselves as leaders capable of shaping policy and community priorities. As she describes it, “It’s not just about a board seat, it’s about inspiring youth to know they have the power to make a difference, in whatever way they choose.”
More Than a Program: A Movement
This transformation aligns closely with the values of the Dispute Resolution Center. By centering healing, responsiveness to community needs, and equity, KC CONNECT ensures that conflict resolution is not just a tool for solving problems, but also a means of building stronger, more resilient communities. As Dave, Executive Director, observes, “This isn’t just a program, it’s a movement. We’re preparing kids to take over the world.”
KC CONNECT stands as more than a continuation of past work. It represents a shift in approach: from resolving conflicts one by one to equipping entire communities with the skills to heal, lead, and advocate for change. It is a program rooted in history, built for today, and preparing the leaders of tomorrow.
Learn more or sign up for a workshop!
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by Meg S | Jul 15, 2025
One of the core programs offered by the Dispute Resolution Center of King County is family mediation, where KCDRC mediators support people navigating parenting plans, divorces, or other family-related changes and tensions. Most often, this includes co-parents working through parenting plans or modifying existing agreements, as well as divorces. Though family mediations can also involve other issues such as siblings managing elder care or family members dividing up shared responsibilities after loss.
Parties often enter a family mediation session feeling uncertain or resigned. During intake, they often share that they’ve already tried everything they can think of and have made requests in various ways, sometimes over many years. If children are involved, each parent may feel they are acting in the children’s best interests while the other parent is not. Mediation doesn’t always feel hopeful – just something they were told by a court or in their parenting plan that they had to try. Family mediation isn’t about fixing everything in a single conversation. It’s about making space for people in conflict, often people with shared histories and responsibilities, to step out of old patterns and have a space to communicate differently. To speak plainly. To be heard. To imagine what moving forward might look like, even if the path seems unclear.
Preparation is KEY!
Self-determination is the cornerstone of successful family mediation. Unlike traditional legal proceedings, mediation places decision-making power directly in the hands of the parties involved, fostering a sense of ownership and empowerment. As one staff member explained, “At KCDRC, thankfully we’re not on commission and we don’t need to pressure people to mediate with us just for the sake of it. We also serve the community by making sure parties have the information and support to decide what’s best for them among their available options.”
With that freedom and opportunity comes responsibility. For mediation to be effective, each party decides not only to proceed with KCDRC family mediation services, but also to commit to thoughtful preparation and intentional participation. Family mediation works best when parties arrive prepared, not just with paperwork, but with insight.
At KCDRC, family case management sets the stage for meaningful options for resolution by helping to equip parties with the perspective and communication tools they need. Case management coaching also supports individuals in navigating the difficult emotions and decisions that they will need to grapple with during mediation. The KCDRC family intake process helps parties understand the real possibilities of mediation: what it can help them solve and what it can’t. Even if a mediation session with a settlement agreement doesn’t follow, many people find relief and clarity after a KCDRC family intake conversation. During KCDRC family intakes, cases are screened for suitability for mediation, and we also provide a lot of resource referrals.
Supporting the Parties
When KCDRC intake does lead to a family mediation session, this process supports parties entering the mediation with focus and ready to explore outcomes: What information do parties need to bring to help inform the mediation conversation? What are the best, worst, and most realistic options for each of them, and for the others involved? Parties almost always not only need this preparation, but also ongoing support during the family mediation session in expressing concerns with clarity and empathy.
KCDRC family mediators respect that parties are the experts regarding their own situation and do not tell people what to do or push them toward compromises they may be unwilling or unable to follow through on. Instead, mediators help participants slow down, name what truly matters, and explore options that they themselves—not a third party—get to choose. When appropriate, parties are encouraged to speak with an attorney to review any agreement made. Parties may also choose to have their attorney present in mediation.
Shifts in Conversation
A common shift during family mediation is in the way people speak. Mediators often notice that first one party and then the other will begin to use phrases like “from my perspective” or “what I’m hearing from you is.” As KCDRC mediator Beckey
Sukovaty shared, “So much of what we as mediators do that’s especially important for family mediations, is helping people shift from trying to prove a point to asking a question. From blaming to a focus on practical realities. From ‘this is what always happens’ to ‘what could we do differently going forward ?’” These are small moments, but they show the conversation is changing shape. What began as feeling hopeless and frustrated is turning toward focusing on mutual problem-solving.
Those shifts often, but don’t always, lead to formal agreement. However, those shifts almost always mean they can end the mediation somewhere better for themselves and their families than where they started. Sometimes, the biggest success in family mediation isn’t a signed agreement. It’s a softened tone, a thoughtful pause while really listening, a willingness to see a familiar story from a new angle or making informal plans to keep working together in a new way with better communication.
bởi Meg S | Ngày 14 tháng 5 năm 2025
Ngăn ngừa tịch biên thông qua hòa giải là một trong những công cụ hiệu quả nhất và ít được sử dụng nhất dành cho những chủ nhà đang phải đối mặt với căng thẳng tài chính. Tại Trung tâm giải quyết tranh chấp của Quận King (KCDRC), hòa giải giúp cư dân giải quyết các cuộc trò chuyện khó khăn với bên cho vay, giải quyết hiểu lầm và tìm giải pháp thay thế trước khi việc tịch biên trở thành hiện thực.
Công việc này gắn chặt với chương trình HOMES —Dịch vụ tiếp cận, cố vấn và giáo dục cho chủ nhà—giúp người lớn tuổi, cựu chiến binh và người khuyết tật nộp đơn xin miễn thuế tài sản của Quận King. Cùng nhau, các dịch vụ này cung cấp hỗ trợ có ý nghĩa cho cư dân có nguy cơ mất ổn định nhà ở.
Hòa giải là gì?
Hoà giải là một quá trình tự nguyện, bảo mật, trong đó một bên thứ ba trung lập giúp mọi người có những cuộc trò chuyện có cấu trúc và hướng tới các thỏa thuận. Tại KCDRC, các nhà hoà giải được đào tạo của chúng tôi không đứng về bên nào hoặc đưa ra lời khuyên pháp lý. Thay vào đó, họ tạo ra không gian để hiểu, giải quyết vấn đề và làm sáng tỏ trong những thời điểm khó khăn.
Trong bối cảnh nhà ở, điều này có thể có nghĩa là tạo điều kiện cho các cuộc trò chuyện giữa:
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Chủ nhà và người cung cấp dịch vụ thế chấp
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Các thành viên gia đình điều hướng các quyết định về tài sản chung
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Chủ nhà và viên chức quận hoặc cố vấn tài chính
Làm thế nào để hòa giải giúp ngăn ngừa việc tịch thu tài sản
Khi chủ nhà chậm thanh toán hoặc gặp khó khăn với thuế, giao tiếp thường bị gián đoạn. Hoà giải đưa mọi người vào bàn và tạo cơ hội để:
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Làm rõ tình hình
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Xác định các lựa chọn như kế hoạch thanh toán, giảm thuế hoặc điều chỉnh tạm thời
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Kết nối với các nguồn hỗ trợ , bao gồm hỗ trợ pháp lý và tư vấn tài chính
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Xây dựng lại lòng tin và giảm bớt căng thẳng về mặt cảm xúc
Hoà giải có thể đặc biệt hiệu quả khi kết hợp với các chương trình như HOMES (Dịch vụ tiếp cận, cố vấn và giáo dục cho chủ nhà), giúp cư dân đủ điều kiện nộp đơn xin miễn thuế tài sản của Quận King. Bằng cách giải quyết cả hai khía cạnh tài chính và quan hệ của căng thẳng về nhà ở, cư dân có nhiều khả năng tìm thấy sự ổn định lâu dài.
Kết quả thực tế
Mặc dù mỗi tình huống đều khác nhau, sau đây là một số kết quả phổ biến của hoạt động hòa giải liên quan đến nhà ở tại KCDRC:
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Thỏa thuận về thời hạn trả nợ mới
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Phối hợp tài liệu miễn thuế tài sản
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Thỏa thuận gia đình về quyền sở hữu chung hoặc trách nhiệm tài chính
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Giới thiệu đến các cố vấn nhà ở hoặc luật sư khi cần thiết
Cách truy cập trợ giúp
Nếu bạn hoặc người quen của bạn có nguy cơ bị tịch thu nhà hoặc đang phải vật lộn với căng thẳng về nhà ở, hãy liên hệ sớm . Việc hòa giải càng sớm thì thường sẽ có nhiều lựa chọn hơn.
Bạn có thể:
Bạn không phải đối mặt với việc tịch biên tài sản một mình. Hoà giải có thể là bước đầu tiên hướng tới sự sáng suốt, ổn định và bình yên trong tâm trí.
bởi Meg S | 31 tháng 3 năm 2025
Bắt đầu từ tháng 5 năm 2025, một nguồn lực mới mạnh mẽ sẽ có sẵn để giúp cư dân đủ điều kiện nộp đơn xin miễn thuế tài sản do Quận King cung cấp. Chương trình HOMES —viết tắt của Dịch vụ tiếp cận, cố vấn và giáo dục cho chủ nhà —hỗ trợ người lớn tuổi, cựu chiến binh và người khuyết tật hoàn thành đơn xin hưởng quyền lợi có giá trị này.
Nhờ mức tăng giới hạn thu nhập gần đây lên 84.000 đô la, hiện có nhiều cư dân đủ điều kiện được miễn thuế tài sản do Quận King cung cấp, giúp giảm bớt gánh nặng tài chính cho những người cần nhất.
HOMES cung cấp những dịch vụ gì?
Hội thảo hỗ trợ ứng dụng
Bắt đầu từ tháng 5 năm 2025 , HOMES sẽ tổ chức các buổi hội thảo trực tiếp hàng tháng vào thứ Bảy tuần thứ ba của mỗi tháng . Trong các buổi hội thảo này, các cố vấn được đào tạo sẽ có mặt để giúp cư dân hoàn thành đơn xin miễn thuế tài sản của họ.
Yêu cầu đủ điều kiện:
Những gì cần mang theo:
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Tờ khai thuế năm trước
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Thư xác minh khuyết tật
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Bằng chứng về tuổi tác/ID (giấy phép lái xe WA hoặc giấy tờ tương đương)
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Giấy tờ sở hữu tài sản (như giấy tờ chuyển nhượng)
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Hồ sơ về chi phí y tế cá nhân (thư của bác sĩ, hồ sơ dược phẩm, sao kê ngân hàng, v.v.)
Trung tâm thông tin ảo
Bắt đầu từ tháng 6 , Trung tâm giải quyết tranh chấp của Quận King (KCDRC) sẽ tổ chức các cuộc họp Trung tâm thông tin ảo . Các phiên họp này mở cửa cho tất cả chủ nhà và cung cấp quyền truy cập vào nhiều nguồn lực cộng đồng tập trung vào việc ngăn ngừa tịch biên nhà .
KCDRC là một tổ chức phi lợi nhuận đáng tin cậy cung cấp dịch vụ hòa giải và giải quyết xung đột. Các nhà hòa giải của họ đã giúp nhiều cư dân giải quyết các thách thức về nhà ở và tránh bị tịch thu nhà thông qua các cuộc trò chuyện có hướng dẫn và giải quyết vấn đề.
Làm thế nào để tham gia
Cho dù bạn là chủ nhà lo lắng về việc tăng thuế hay đang hỗ trợ người thân trong suốt quá trình nộp đơn, chương trình HOMES sẽ luôn hướng dẫn bạn từng bước trên thực tế.
Cùng nhau, chúng ta có thể xây dựng những cộng đồng vững mạnh và ổn định hơn—từng ngôi nhà một.