If you have ever had a conflict – and who hasn’t? – you probably have wondered how you could make it easier. Whether you are fighting with your spouse, a co-worker, or a neighbor, there are some helpful tips for solving conflict and coming up with a solution.
Slow Down
Perhaps the first step is the most important: Step back and slow down. In the heat of the moment, tensions are high, and we often fall back on the behaviors we know. However, those repeated behaviors haven’t worked in the past, so why would they work this time? Rather than turn on auto-pilot, take the time to stop what you are doing and think about the situation. By becoming aware of what is happening, we can start to change our approach and our words around the conflict. If we are aware and engaged, we can plan what we want to say and avoid saying things that will escalate the issue even more.
Ask for a Conversation
Once you have stepped back and thought about what you want to say and do, it’s time to approach the other person and find out if they are willing to have a conversation. You have had the benefit of rethinking your approach, but they might still be in a defensive “fight” mode. Help them to understand you want to talk, not yell. Tell them how important the topic is and why a conversation will help you maintain a good relationship with them. Allow them the time to calm down and save face, even if it means you aren’t both ready to talk just yet. Let them know that you want to have a conversation so you can both express your views and feelings and problem-solve together.
More Tips for Solving Conflicts
These two tips can help you get started in solving a conflict in your personal or professional life. For more tips for solving conflicts, visit our Resolution Tips page or check out the Seattle Times article featuring KCDRC. And if you cannot come up with a solution on your own, you can always turn to the Dispute Resolution Center of King County to find out how Mediation Services can assist.