Civility seems to have become an old-fashioned concept, however as members of the alternative dispute resolution community, we understand its utility in our communication toolbox. Being civil and keeping an open mind is often the best way to resolve conflicts and improve relationships. Unfortunately, as political division and polarization in our society deepens, incivility is expanding, and it is creeping into some mediations, too.
Promoting civility awareness this month is one way we can each do our part to advance civility. Although it has been 20 years since the original publication, P.M. Forni’s book Choosing Civility: the 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct still has lessons that are relevant today. Throughout the book, Forni discusses rules of conduct to help us connect, do the right things for each other, and be a contributing member of the community. Each of the 25 rules is a guide to behaving civilly in our personal and professional dealings. While the rules may seem like common sense, it is clear that mindfulness is needed to be successful. Behaving civilly is as simple as taking time to stop and think before we act.
As we embark on the month to increase civility awareness, here are the 25 rules from Dr. Forni:
- Pay Attention.
- Acknowledge Others.
- Think the Best.
- Good Listening.
- Be Inclusive.
- Speak Kindly.
- Don’t Speak Ill.
- Accept and Give Praise.
- Respect Even a Subtle “No.”
- Respect Others’ Opinions.
- Mind Your Body.
- Be Agreeable.
- Keep It Down (and Rediscover Silence).
- Respect Other People’s Time.
- Respect Other People’s Space.
- Apologize Earnestly and Thoughtfully.
- Assert Yourself.
- Avoid Personal Questions.
- Care for Your Guests.
- Be a Considerate Guest.
- Think Twice Before Asking for Favors.
- Refrain from Idle Complaints.
- Give Constructive Criticism.
- Respect the Environment and Be Gentle to Animals.
- Don’t Shift Responsibility and Blame.